Last night I was worrying about my to do list, because it was getting longer and longer while my time to do things grew shorter.

It was particularly frustrating, because while my list of priorities was growing, my list of things that I wanted to do was getting pushed to the side. So many books that I wanted to read, and shows or movies that I wanted to watch had to be pushed back again. The whole ordeal got me quite stressed, as I tried to plan how to get my work done and still have time to enjoy myself.

As I thought about it all however, it occurred to me that perhaps I was stressed because I was comparing myself to other people who I believed could somehow ‘magically’ do so much more than me. People who read hundreds of books in a year, or who get top marks and spend hours studying for university. People who climbed the ladder at their workplace, learned new skills and became qualified for all sorts of different things.

It hurt to think there were so many people out there accomplishing so much, and honestly, even if it wasn’t much, it was more than me. It made me question a lot of aspects in my own life. Was I not good enough? Why wasn’t I doing as much or seeing as many results in my own life? How could I achieve more?

Yet, at the same time, it made me wonder if I was just expecting myself to do too much. I love reading, but spending days doing just that to finish my books faster would cut into my time for writing or learning.

Likewise, I love writing, but that takes up a lot of brain space for creativity, so if I spend too long on it, I might not have as much time for my university work. Or in some cases, when I stay up writing late at night and cut into my sleeping time. As I’ve never slept very well, interruptions or distractions always make it difficult to get a good rest, thus making me grumpy and snappy, further hurting my ability to do the things I want.

It occurred to me that, unfortunately, trying to do too much in my life was perhaps not feasible, and that I had to make peace with getting ‘less’ done.

Tough as it is, the acknowledgement of that was important. I hope it allows me to move forward with more grace for myself and my life. There is still so much I want to do in life, but I hope that slowing down and giving it time will allow me to enjoy these moments more. Life is more wonderful than we let it be sometimes. I don’t want to waste it away with worry.

Everyone is on their own journey, it’s a cliched saying but it’s right. Why did I think that I needed to be doing so much? What measure of success was I using?

The sad thing is, I don’t think I was trying to do all these things just for me. Acknowledging this is rarely easy, but I hope that it will bring more positive change into my life as I go forward.

It also helps me to be a lot more intentional with my time, effort, and energy. Perhaps I can’t read a book every few days like some people, but I can value the two or three books I do read each month. I can give myself time each week to create and write, whether it be these blog posts or my novels around my shifts at my day job. I can set timers and limits on my work so that I am able to sleep better and feel better.

Personally, I find that these intentional and carefully chosen times are even more precious because they are important to me, and now are treated as such.