I have been absolutely smashed recently with work, university, family, and my own writing. I’m exhausted and getting a bit sick of the incessant stream of stuff to do. Now, this is all part of being an adult, I’m well aware. Yet, as I’ve been working and trying to stay afloat with prices rising, conflicts simmering around the world, and fears about what my future will hold, I can’t help feeling like it shouldn’t be like this.

Of course, this is not a new idea, nor do I have the solutions to it all yet. But I have been thinking about this more and more.

Everyone I speak to and see online seems to say similar things, and its sad to see that almost everyone is going under with the pressure of life.

Jobs are no longer paying as much as they used to, and prices for food, petrol, and just general necessities are skyrocketing. Then if you’re like me, there are all the other things that aren’t necessities yet but will be soon, like my freezer drawer breaking and my car air conditioner unable to push out cold air. Add to that birthdays, home renovations, and university requirements and suddenly my meagre weekly income is not really cutting it. And that’s just the funds!

My knee has been hurting pretty steadily for the last few days as well, the Australian heat is back in full force after a very short winter and my university work has been overwhelming.

It feels like I haven’t had a chance to actually rest or relax in months and I am so tired. Yet, I really can’t stop. I need the money, I am working hard to reach the deadlines I’ve set for my book publishing and I desperately want to pass these classes so I don’t have to retake them.

Usually I despise posts like these which seem to be full of complaints, but today I figure it might actually be a good opportunity for me to take stock of whats going on in my life right now. Hopefully in a few years I’ll be able to look back on this period of my life with a lot more wisdom and security, but for now it just feels like a mess.

Either way, it really has turned my thoughts to why life is so rough for many people right now. I’m no social scientist, and I’m sure there are a hundred and one different issues going on to contribute, but I think one of the biggest things that I’m sick of is just human selfishness.

Strange I suppose, but everything seems to go back to that. Capitalism is based on an infinite growth model which we know is not possible, yet many greedy people believe that they are entitled to whatever wealth they can accumulate, at the expense of the rest of us. Fortunately, many people are starting to wake up to this, especially with celebrities. Celebs have begun to face more scrutiny nowadays with their blatant cash grabs and dozens of businesses which only add to an already saturated market without contributing anything new.

Yet, they are already at the top of the pyramid right now, while we are the sorry suckers holding them up—with our collapsed bodies if not our raised arms.

And I just can’t help but think that it is not meant to be like this.

How can anyone be so cruel? How could people do this to others? Yet the other part of me understands how systemic this entire issue is. The problem is built into the walls of our prison, the rules make up the bars. We are trapped by a system that has set into place over decades and unfortunately to create change we have to start by breaking it all down. And no one will find that experience particularly easy or comfortable.

I’ve always wanted this ‘breakdown’ to be a project of mine, but it has always felt so overwhelming. There is too much to consider, so much that I don’t know, so much that I may never be able to cover it all.

But even now I am reminded of a quote that has helped me through the years: “Do not be daunted by the world’s grief. Do justly now, love mercy now, walk humbly now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it.”

We all have a part to play if we want to see serious change in our lives and the world at large, and I do believe that widespread reformation is possible. However this starts with our own lives. It’s a good reminder to me, and I do strive each day to be as kind and just as I can be. Perhaps it isn’t enough right now, but it is one thing that I may be doing right at the moment.