So I learned today that my estranged father who I have not spoken to or cared about in over seven years told my younger brother that I am in fact a ‘soft little bitch’ for my belief that the Palestinians in Gaza shouldn’t be killed.

It was a shock of a revelation which came in the midst of an argument with my younger brother, who has also grown decidedly more…incel-ish in his late teens. Though an unpleasant conversation, I definitely learned a great deal from it, and thought I’d record some of my thoughts.

First, I don’t know where my brother’s sheer rage towards me has come from. We’ve been through a lot in life, and I’ve done my best to be a positive influence and a constant amidst our parents’ messy divorce and the ensuing fallout. Our discussions can be light and nice, but they can turn into these rage-fits in seconds. As he barks out how horrible I am for disrespecting him and never listening to him, I can’t rationalise this behaviour. I’ve read enough works on masculinity and the rise in ‘incel’ culture to understand that this may not actually be rational behaviour. He’s being bombarded daily with messages and videos tailored to these ideas, both putting the ideas into his mind and reinforcing them once they’re there. It is devastating to watch in real time, and there is literally nothing that I or anyone else can say to stop this thinking.

Second, I have long since cut ties with my father and his ideas. I don’t place any value on what he thinks or does because of the serious hurt he has caused over the years. But his comment shocked me. I study international relations and have learned a great deal about the goings-on of many countries and their politics over the years. While I am by no means an expert, I’ve done this extensively for almost four years now and have a pretty good understanding (not that that seems to be a pre-requisite for many of our world leaders but alas). Anyway, this is to say that the conflict going on right now between Israel and Palestine (and the surrounding countries now too) has a deeply complex history and horrible acts committed. The events of October 7th were devastating, but the Israeli treatment of Palestine in the lead up to this retaliation and the reaction from Israel has been entirely disproportionate. As horrible as it is, everything that has happened has been predictable, and even the escalation is not a surprise. This conflict must end now, but I don’t see an end in sight – there are too many issues to contend with, and I am unsure and anxious to see how this will ‘end’.

He no longer knows me, or the skills and knowledge that I have, and yet has made this judgement of me. I’m not surprised at all by this, but it’s still strangely disheartening to hear.

It has also reminded me of how little people truly understand of international politics. I don’t expect them to of course, many of these concepts take time to understand and apply, but it is always interesting to see the effects of this lack.

Many of the truths we hold in the international system are all made up, and thus built on extremely tenuous grounds. Sovereignty for example, stipulates that the borders of each country are to be respected by all, and that governments within those borders have complete authority. External countries may not interfere in the affairs of another country’s sovereign rulings, but we have so many examples of both the USA and USSR doing just that during the Cold War. And what about the US, UK, and Germany providing weapons to Israel – does that count as non-interference or is that mere alliance? While we’re at it, what stipulates an alliance? Military or non-military? In military alliances, what goods and services can be provided? What happens when those goods and services are used to perpetuate war-crimes? What are war crimes, as in, who gets to decide whether a country has committed them or not? If it’s the United Nations, how can they enforce their ruling (they can’t really) and what if a country doesn’t want to stop committing their acts?

These are the sorts of questions we’re thinking about as students and scholars of international relations. I have my own opinions about what should happen, but until/if/when I am able to enact some of them, I can only try to teach others how to think about these matters more clearly.

Because that is the greatest challenge we face. My brother sometimes seems receptive to my ideas and my teaching about international relations, but more often than not, the story he has already set in his mind is the one he wants to follow.

My father must have spouted a bunch of pro-Israel, anti-Palestine stuff to my brother, and that is all he will believe now. I think I should clarify as well, my father has served in the Australian Defence Force over the years, particularly during the 9/11 attacks in America (though he was not deployed). His only formal qualifications are in avionics and plumbing (that I know of), and while he was always interested in the affairs of the Middle East, he has no actual training in Middle Eastern, Islamic, or International affairs studies. He’s simply believed what he’s been told, from whoever has told him.

People throw around terms like anti-intellectualism and wokeness like they’re bad things and it’s absolutely ridiculous to me how mere words have taken on such powerful and fearsome meanings. Of course, that is one of the best ways to quickly enforce censorship without actually having to force censorship: make people afraid of words, foster a surveillance culture and cancel them if they say anything imperfect – truly couldn’t have planned it better if we tried.

Yet, anti-intellectualism is a very serious matter. The rise of people who are either incapable or unwilling to listen to scholars is astounding. Perhaps the worst part is that there is good reason for it too, though not, I argue, to this extent. Constant reveals of corruption, bias, propaganda and falsification in the information provided to us has led people to question everything and trust nothing.

You’d think that people ‘doing their own research’ would be a better option then, right? But I fear it’s having an even worse effect. I don’t know about you, but I don’t have the equipment, knowledge or time to test every vaccine or new drug that comes out on the market. At some point I have to trust that the researchers and developers working on these products will do what they promise in providing me with a safe and effective medical treatment. Similarly, I cannot prove the claims of climate scientists on my own, nor can I be sure that everything the news is putting out nowadays is accurate or representative of what is going on. ‘Doing your own research’ has simply put another nail into the coffin as we complete our descent into a society ruled entirely by fear, paranoia, and distrust of everyone around us. By forcing ourselves to believe that we can only rely on ourselves, we have opened the way for totalitarian policies and governments—and hear me when I say that if you allow yourself and others to continue down this path, you will be welcoming these authoritarian politics with open arms. You need only look at every totalitarian government in history.

The question remains: what to do when your experts may be lying to you? It seems impossible to know nowadays, but there are skills you can acquire and hone to help you.

You must understand how to read and view all media critically, not in the judgmental sense but to analyse the content of the news, look for whose perspective is being represented and what the ‘unsaid’ parts of the text are. You must also learn how to verify sources by checking the credibility of the creator of the source, corroborating the sources (that is, matching them with other evidence that confirms it, or examining why different sources challenge it), and viewing it in its correct context. I’m writing a piece about how to analyse texts that is sounding increasingly necessary in this ever-ridiculous world, so please stay tuned.

Ultimately, these are skills that I was taught in school and honed through my university degree, but I am certain that my brother never cared enough to pay attention to this. He still shows me AI-generated car pictures that are so obviously fake that I cannot believe he thinks they’re real. Sadly, these skills are taught in all classes, from textual analysis in English (or Literature), to analysing sources in history, or understanding accuracy and reliability in science, or learning how to apply statistics and problem solving in mathematics. Too often students get caught up asking ‘why do I need to know the quadratic equation’ and teachers either don’t know how to explain it to the kids or don’t care to explain that these subjects aren’t just about acquiring knowledge but honing their skills too.

I don’t expect my brother or father to understand the nuances of this conflict. There are so many layers of political, geographical, historical, religious, economic, social, and military levels to this situation that even experts are hesitant to engage with.

Through my work in developing the concept of natural security, I have been faced with all sorts of curveballs and questions while solidifying my stance. On one thing I am certain: human life is sacred, everywhere and in every instance. Killing people is always wrong, hurting them is always wrong, and war is always wrong. No one deserves to be shot, injured, tortured, raped, or murdered for the interests of the state, and you will never convince me otherwise. Wherever there is a standard of measure for human life, that measure can be moved, and as humans have shown time and time again, it will be moved.

No matter what your origin, race, gender, ethnicity, sexuality, nationality, or religion (even if you consider me your enemy), Palestinian or Israeli, I believe your life is important. No one should have to suffer starvation or war or torture or anything of the sort. I want life and life to the fullest for all, because (selfish as it may be) I want that too.

‘Love your neighbour as yourself’ (Mark 12:31) or ‘do to others what you would have them do to you’. It is the Golden Rule, and yet it is so easily forgotten and discarded.

Choosing kindness is one of the hardest things to do, especially in today’s world of hatred, violence, corruption, suffering, and war. That is part of the reason why choosing kindness does not make us weak in any sense, but stronger than those who would choose to respond with more violence. Someone must break the cycle at some point. I will likely never speak to my father again. He may say whatever he likes about me because I know myself and my mission in life. My brother will have to find his own way too. Retaliating against them will not solve anything, but will only make things worse. If turning my cheek is the best option then so be it. I will not back down in condemning the violence we are seeing around the world today, nor will I perpetuate it myself. As they say, an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.