In 2024 I was on a mission to get my debut novel published. I wrote it, edited it, hired someone else to edit it (twice), hired professional beta readers, gave it to friends, ordered a book cover, set up an Amazon account and more. I did all the bits and pieces to get it published including taking to Instagram (and TikTok for a brief stint).

For a year I worked hard to come up with interesting conversation pieces, post consistently, create new content and still be myself as I built a community/audience. It was fun, and amazing while it was working well. I had some posts that did crazy well (451k views what???), and most that did okay.

I wouldn’t say I mastered any of it, to tell you the truth. Some posts did well the first time I put them out, or maybe the second. Others, which I thought would be popular, ended up with three likes.

Unfortunately, the biggest challenge for me was how little I liked it. Ahh don’t shoot the messenger! Some days it was alright, especially when I wasn’t working or studying, and I had time to batch film content in my room when the lighting was good. But when I didn’t have time, I was absolutely wracked with anxiety about losing my ‘streak’ of good posts or losing followers and what-not.

There are a lot of factors that influence what is becomes popular on social media, I know, but that made me want to post even less. Maybe its my rebellious streak, but I despise the idea of posting content to conform to an algorithm that keeps me dangling on a string.

Of course, as the world has undergone so many epic changes in the last year, I’ve found myself withdrawing from social media even more. If you’re anything like me, you’re bombarded with all the worst that this world has to offer, and it is mentally draining. I want to learn about these issues, help where I can and support in the ways that are needed, but its a system designed to fail.

I’m caught in an endless cycle of bad decisions. I want to create and put my work out there, but the platforms used to do this are so unethical. How can I share my stories knowing that social media is almost the only way to do it in this modern era, but those same platforms are stealing my information and lining the pockets of people with no regard for others?

Selfishly, I just don’t like posting online. Not in the reels format, and I never post anything on time, even to my personal account (hello concert from November 2025 posted on January 31st, 2026…). It’s my little way of rebelling against the machine I suppose, but even that is a tiny and rather useless little thing. I mean, who even cares about that?

It’s an endlessly frustrating cycle to be caught in, especially now as I wonder what I’m supposed to do with my account now. I love reading, and I absolutely loved the discussions I got to have with people in university about the books we studied. I’d love to replicate this, but I find so many excuses as to why it won’t work: no time, no energy, no quality conversations, yadda yadda…

It is hard to read all my books quickly when I work full time, and it is time-consuming and challenging to analyse them as well and think deeper. I also want to spend my free time writing, not just reading, so I’m forced to choose between the two as it is. Add in a whole social media account and it is quickly overwhelming.

I know I’ve made the argument myself countless times, that if it’s important to you, you will make time for the things you love. But I don’t love social media, and I don’t love posting on it. That’s not even getting started on the risks of AI now feeding on my content too…

It’s exhausting, and quite discouraging too. I hate when people give excuses, but I think it’s important for me to admit this to myself, at least. This isn’t to say I hate social media, or that I’m not grateful for the opportunity and flashes of success I’ve experienced. It has been such an interesting project, and one that I’m not giving up on yet. I’m not really sure what the next iteration involves, but I’m sure it’ll be exactly what I need, for better or for worse.