I’ve been in the trenches with my mental health again lately, and one of the main reasons why is resistance. Resistance to my current circumstances, more specifically. Part of me is always living in the past, trying to make sense of it so I can move on, while the other part lives in the ideal future I imagine. Unfortunately, either way, I’m killing the moment that I’m currently in by not experiencing it here. It’s taken me a little while to figure this out and recognise how unhelpful this has been for me lately.

In manifestation, they teach you to live in the state of the wish fulfilled. Maybe I am not a manifestation master yet, but this has only made my current situation much harder to bear. I can think of all the things I want to be/do/have/see differently, yet every time these are denied or blocked off, its incredibly discouraging. Now, I’m not so short-sighted to think I will never ever have these things. Persistence will actually get you where you need to go. However, I’ve had to accept that life is a process and I’m on the journey. No one really gets things instantly, so why should I expect differently?

Perhaps it sounds a little disheartening, but I cannot begin to describe how freeing this has felt. It took a little bit of pain and heartache (and maybe some tears) but learning to accept this stage of my life, without judgement, has been radical. For years I have genuinely hated that I wasn’t better, more talented, more focused, more successful, or further ahead. Sadly, this was making me bitter, envious, and angry, not better or closer to my dreams. There is still plenty of work to be done mentally while I rewire my brain and get closer to what it is that I want, but this has been an important start.

It reminds me of the serenity prayer, which I’m learning to live by:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Acceptance without judgement helps to take the emotion out of the struggle. As such, I can be more objective when evaluating my situation and formulating a plan to create change.