One of my strongest philosophies in life relates to the mirror concept. Everything in our lives is merely a reflection of ourselves. It’s a tough pill to swallow, and there are more exceptions and nuances than I have time to cover here. Yet, it has been crucial in helping me to make better choices for myself.

You see, if everything is a reflection of me, I can’t blame anyone else for the way things look. If I’m not happy, or not enjoying something, I need to take action to change it. In some cases, changing my perspective has been enough to relieve the discomfort. However, there are some times when this doesn’t work, and that’s when you have to look closer at the reflection.

Lately, this has related mostly to my job. It’s not a bad job by any stretch of the imagination, and I’m doing pretty well at it, all things considered. But I feel misaligned—severely. The work is doable, the people are good, and the pay has been great. So why do I feel so much resistance?

This image gives an interesting illustration of how resistance works. When huge waves of energy and emotion slam into the wall of ‘resistance’, they build up even further. The dam wall is created when we try to push back on these emotions, judge them, and reject them. Yet, the dam wall cannot hold forever, and cracks will show through.

where we try to push back on it, judge these emotions, and reject them,

Resentment, anger, frustration, misery, sadness, and retaliation follow as these emotions find other ways to be expressed. If we were to remove the dam wall and feel the waves without judgement, they will be able to settle and drain much faster—and without the alternate forms of expression.

Applying this to my own situation, I have done a lot of work to accept my present reality without judgement. It is the current stage of my life, but not a forever stage. I need not fear that I will be here forever, because leaving is as simple as putting in a two-week notice. Of course, there are many other consequences that would come following such an act, but leaving is never ‘impossible’.

However, this reminder can also keep us stuck. I know there would be consequences for leaving, but there are also consequences for staying, which I am already experiencing. Firstly, there is a long commute to and from work, and this is a very mentally tiring role. There are also other personal factors in play which make this role challenging, or which are compounded by the work.

As I said at the start, the work is doable, and there are enough positives that the job is pleasant enough. Yet, the alignment factor is sorely missing. This was always meant to be a temporary role before I moved on to a position in my chosen field. Unfortunately, despite my efforts, I have yet to be accepted at one of these jobs. It’s difficult to take, and frustrating too. I have not (and will not) give up on any of my desires, but this has been tricky to navigate.

Looking inward, I can see that my own self-concept may be lacking in some ways to create this reflection. Life is always a work in progress, so this is neither surprising nor discouraging. It merely proves there is work to be done. Knowing that I was able to match my self to this job earlier proves that I can now match it to another one too, and I will when it is time.

So, why am I settling for less?

There is definitely safety in the known and fear in the unknown. The devil you know is always more comforting than the devil you don’t. However, in my circumstance, both are uncomfortable. How long can I stay in this discomfort, when it is already taking its toll? I don’t know the answer to that yet, but becoming cognisant of the situation is always the first step to change. Let’s see where this goes.